a blog.

Crazy!

2012-01-27T21:50:00.000Z

It is highly unusual for me to post two blog articles in one day! I also don't really like copying and pasting things into the blog that aren't mine, but this is too good to hold back from you lot. Enjoy it + be inspired by it! Another lesson in simplicity..

"How to Explain God" was written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California, for his third grade homework assignment: "Explain God" The following piece was published in Christianity Today:

"One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
"God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.
"God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mum and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.
"Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.
"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said okay. His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.
“You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.
"You should always go to Church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.
"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And that's why I believe in God.”

Just like the wee kiddos.

2012-01-27T02:19:00.002Z

So, after a brief break from Facebook I have (a little reluctantly) reactivated my account. What a terrible idea. I've just spent the past 2 hours trying to fix the stupid new timeline 'activity log' so that my privacy is the way I want it to be. Okay okay, I did spend a bit of time choosing a new 'cover picture' (a lovely close-up picture of daisies in my back garden, for those of you who are interested)...and yes, it does look kinda cool...

In the quest for the perfect cover picture, I looked through every single one of my photo albums and came across pictures from the prayer room in church last year. We had a wee kids corner set up with loads of paints and crayons and markers and fun foamy sticky things that they could use to create pretty pictures. When I cleared the prayer room out it was so sad to have to take their wee works of art down, and I couldn't bear to throw it all out...some of it was SO profound. These kids were tiny, and to be quite honest, I was astounded by the depth of the simplicity of the things they had written and painted and drawn.

So you can probably read the wee white thought bubble that says "Thank you Lord" in the bottom right hand corner. But on the green spiky sticky foam bubble at the top, it says "It has started". WOAH. Is that not just incredible?! How did that little brain come out with something like that?!

"At that time the disciples came up and asked Jesus, Who then is [really] the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, and said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].." - Matthew 18:1-3

I like the way the Amplified Bible describes little children: trusting, lowly, loving and forgiving. Us old people can learn so much from kids...their simplicity is just beautiful.

Simplicity

2012-01-24T15:37:00.000Z

Studying theology over the past 2.5 years has been a challenging and eye-opening experience. My faith has not been watered down - but I have found myself becoming more mellow. I have always been quietly critical of how theology is done in churches and with individuals, but these days I'm realising the importance of getting back to basics. I think that people have a tendency to complicate Christianity with their theologies - I'm starting to realise that faith is much more simple than we ever could imagine, but probably the most difficult (and therefore rewarding) journey that we will ever embark on. I'm not saying that preachers and teachers should dumb things down - people aren't stupid. In fact, I think that people are ready and eager to know more. But fancy sounding spiritual language and new fangled theologies (in my opinion) only divide and exclude people. Theology is awesome and I absolutely love learning about different thinkers - both ancient and brand new - but in order to actually, properly, passionately live out this faith, I think we need to let go of some of the theological baggage we've accumulated and just walk with Christ. Theological babble won't change the world, and theology won't save your soul.

scary stuff

2011-07-19T02:30:00.005+01:00

Something that is really astounding me these days is how quickly time passes...and how quickly I seem to waste my time. A few months ago I applied to go on a charity trip to Uganda, and in 2 weeks time, I'll be on my way there. Gulp. (I feel far more inadequate for the task now than I did when applying for it. Hence the 'gulp'!) A few years ago, I started going out with this silly boy that I quite liked and i've found it amazing how much your love can grow for someone over such a (relatively) short period of time. Okay, okay, soppy I know...but it really does make me go WOW inside.

Another thing that is astounding (and kind of frustrating) is that I'm pretty sure I'm more focused on my future than my present. I've decided that I'd quite like to teach RE to secondary school kids when I've got my wee theology degree, and it makes me so excited that I think about it quite a lot. I also think about who (if anybody) I'll be with (well I know who I'd like to be with), where I'll live (somewhere in England probably), what school I'll teach in, whether I'll have a cottage or an apartment, whether I'll earn enough to be able to buy said cottage/apartment, whether I'll actually make a difference to the lives of the students I'll teach...

It's terrible. Well, it's good to dream but you know what they say about too much of a good thing. It actually feels like my present is being snatched from under my nose by my future. And that's definitely not a good thing because in missing the present, we miss all the beauty of all the moments we find ourselves in right here, right now.

So I'm making it my mission - not to forget completely about the future, because the endless possibilities drive me to be the best I can be - but to fix my focus on the step I'm on right now, and to appreciate the light that God shines on each one, one at a time :)

Care to join me?

Northern Irish politics + why it's bothering me.

2011-05-09T21:17:00.005+01:00

I'm at a place right now where a few things are frustrating me. Not just a wee silly frustration, I mean a deeply rooted in your soul frustration. One such thing is the political state of this country.

I've been ranting at people about this for a few days now (poor Stuart getting the most of it), but I just feel the need to get it out there and see what other people think, cos me and Stu tend to agree about a lot of political issues :)

So, up until recently I would have regarded myself as a Unionist. Not a hard core loyalist Orangewoman kind of Unionist...more like a 'yeah, i quite like the fact we're in the UK' kind of Unionist. A very slightly off centre stance. So what's changed my mind? Well, politicians have had a bit to do with it, but the main thing has been the hardcore followers of Unionist parties (the DUP in particular). Obviously, the leaders of those parties aren't going to live forever. People will have to take their places at some stage, and when they do take over, the future of Northern Ireland will depend on them. That scares the life out of me, because current leaders seem quite happy to work alongside parties with opposing political/religious/cultural views...but the young people who will be the future of this country seem to be so incredibly marinated in their own narrow-minded views that they just point blank refuse to have anything to do with 'the other side'. It's absolutely ridiculous, and I can't stand it. I realise that scores of people were killed and injured and hurt by the troubles, and I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to be affected by it all...i know it's easy for me to say this, because I haven't been affected by any of it, but for this country to move on, do we not have to move on from the troubles and who has the right to march where and who was involved in what bombings? We are in 2011, post-recession, where taxes are rising and public spending is falling. Should it matter whether the Orangemen aren't allowed to walk down a stretch of road, or whether a Sinn Fein party member is representing a certain part of the country? As young people who have lived in a relatively peaceful Northern Ireland, should we not be more concerned about how we're going to make this country the best possible place to live for ourselves and the next generation? I realise I'm focusing my argument at the Unionists here, but honestly, I'm ashamed to even consider myself a Unionist now. Tom Elliot didn't make things any better with his statement the other day, referring to Sinn Fein as 'scum'. No more blue and red for me, I'm flying the flag for yellow because nothing will ever get done in NI until we accept what happened in the past and keep on moving on.

And this is where God comes in. My story of being completely put off my own political stance by the people representing it in my generation lies parallel to the stories I hear daily of people being put off Jesus because of others who are supposed to be representing Him. When we strip it down and get back to basics...are we being Christ or being cliquey, hypocritical Christians? Are we representing Christ well or are we just talking the talk? Are we even representing Him at all? Gandhi made one of the most challenging, profound and heartbreaking statements ever when he said: "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Just some food for thought.

why i love tearfund #2

2011-02-15T21:39:00.009Z

So, we've seen how important integral mission is, but that raises quite a big question: how exactly should a charity with integral mission at its heart function?

Charity is a very worthwhile thing, but it can also be really frustrating. People give money so that others can get money - but this is only a temporary solution for those living in developing countries. The money will eventually run out, yes. But an even more important issue arises when thinking of the people receiving the money. Just like you and me, they're human. And just like you and me, they want to be able to provide for themselves. They want to work at whatever they can do so that they can set food on the table for their families. How does giving really provide for that need? I guess it can be explained in a simple analogy. Some give fish to eat, others give nets so people can catch the fish to eat. What will last longer? The net of course. When I was a bit younger, I became completely obsessed with The Fairtrade Foundation. Why? Because I saw that it focused on the long-term - it was something that could really work and change lives for the better. Tearfund have the same sort of long-term view on aid as the Fairtrade Foundation do. But, as a Christian organisation with integral mission at the heart of everything they do, Tearfund have come up with a pretty ingenious way of operating.

How they do it is simple. They don't want to send a bunch of foreigners in to try to change things - there are people there already who have a passion to see things turned around! So who would work best? Yep, you've guessed it - the Church. So basically, Tearfund offers to support local churches (financially and prayerfully), who are right in the very heart of the situation, know the specific needs of their communities, and who can then provide for their spiritual, emotional and physical needs. It's awesome :)

Watch this video and look at the hope that has been given. All of it happened through us praying and giving so that the church could be empowered to help those in the most desperate situations. It's all about relationships, and even though we aren't there in the thick of it, we get to be a part of it :)

You know, the Church has always been a little disheartening for me. There seem to be new denominations emerging everywhere I turn, meaning more division over petty theological issues that in reality, probably don't even matter that much. Tearfund gives me hope :) it shows me that this wee inward looking Western church that we all seem to be so attached to can actually be a part of something bigger - the global church! It gives me glimpse of something even bigger still...the Kingdom of God in action.

why i love tearfund #1

2011-02-07T12:57:00.007Z

These next few posts will focus on something I'm really passionate about. It's all aboutTearfund, a charity that I really honestly believe can (and will) change the world, and I want you to be passionate about the things that Tearfund believes in and fights for. It's worthwhile and biblical and life-changing...

Integral mission. Ever heard of it? No? Read this explanation of what it is:

"Integral mission or holistic transformation is the proclamation and demonstration of the gospel.It is not simply that evangelism and social involvement are to be done alongside each other. Rather, in integral mission our proclamation has social consequences as we call people to love and repentance in all areas of life. And our social involvement has evangelistic consequences as we bear witness to the transforming grace of Jesus Christ. If we ignore the world, we betray the word of God which sends us out to serve the world. If we ignore the word of God, we have nothing to bring to the world. Justice and justification by faith, worship and political action, the spiritual and the material, personal change and structural change belong together. As in the life of Jesus, being, doing and saying are at the heart of our integral task." -http://www.micahnetwork.org/en/integral-mission/micah-declaration

Integral mission is something that's really been challenging me lately and a cause that I firmly believe in. Why so often do we separate spiritual needs from physical needs? Why do we sometimes place one over the other? I guess for a lot of people this is a sticky subject and it raises the question of what the heart of mission should be. I've become a bit of a Tearfund freak over the past few months, and integral mission is something that they strongly advocate and practice. I guess I like them so much because honestly, it seems to me like they've cracked integral mission. They feed stomachs with nutritious food and souls with the amazing life-changing news of Jesus Christ. Yup, that's what it's all about :)

a few rambling thoughts

2010-09-14T11:26:00.004+01:00

1 Corinthians 1:22-24 reads: "The Jews ask for miracles, and the Greeks want wisdom. But we preach a crucified Christ...Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God to those people God has called - Jews and Greeks."

So basically, applying those verses to our world today, Christ is power and Christ is wisdom...yet people still go after miracles and wisdom rather than going after Christ. If we do that, we're more likely to find wisdom of the world than the wisdom of God. We're more likely to end up at churches where visions and dreams and tongues and prophecy and healing are more of an emphasis than the Gospel of Jesus Christ is. These verses really challenged me. What wisdom do I seek after? We're told in the scriptures that if we ask for God's kind of wisdom, we'll get it - how flippin' class is that?! In my wee bible study book, it asked a question that really made me think: "In what situations have you sought God's guidance rather than relying on your own intellect and ability? Explain the circumstances and the outcome." If I really did have God's kind of wisdom, I'd rely totally on Him to make my decisions. Thing is, I don't. And if I truly want to surrender to Christ and be just like Him, then I need to start listening to what God has to say rather than what my own brain has to say. What about the way others see me? Am I really preaching a crucified Christ with my life or am I just living a 'good life' according to the world's standards?

Just something to think about..

gifts, scales, shakes, balancing, mate, joy, might?

2010-04-28T21:49:00.000+01:00

"I consider it heresy to speak of shaking, trembling, falling, dancing, clapping, shouting, and such actions as manifestations of the Holy Spirit. These are purely human reactions to the power of the Holy Spirit... There are far too many Christians who are satisfied with such emotional reactions and thus do not seek to grow in grace and become channels through whom the Holy Spirit may manifest his gifts for the edification of the Church." - David du Plessis

Have to say that I agree with him. Especially the bit about Christians going after the "human reactions" rather than God himself. We were talking about this in class last week...about the difference between more "traditional" denominations and more recent emerging denominations (or "non-denominations" as the case may be!). Richard told a wee joke about a 'modern emerging' denomination guy he had been talking to once. The guy said "the difference between us is that I believe in the Almatey and you believe in the Almighty!" It's so true though. There seems to be a scale by which churches are measured..and it's crucial (perhaps even impossible?) to get the balance. I know my church is at the "Almighty" bit - and things are slowly moving the other way...slowly becoming more balanced. But for those churches at the "Almatey" end of things, the churches whom I suspect are chasing after the "human reactions" that aul Dave up there mentions...it's kinda dangerous and kindaaa not very healthy. Personally, I go by the old thing that my grandma always used to say to me (and, on occasion, still does say to me!) - JOY. J for Jesus - put Him first! O for Others - put them second! Y for Yourself - put yourself last on the list. I seriously believe that when we do this + really try to put it into practice, everything else (i.e. spiritual gifts) will just slot into place. Anyway, who knows. My spelling is a bit dodgy these days, and I always end up spelling JOY as YOJ...sometimes it's so bad that i just type a big silly Y. Anyway, now I'm waffling but I hope you get what I mean. :) let me know what you reckon.

Politics, God and us.

2010-04-20T22:09:00.000+01:00

Politicians in this year's general election have really got it tough.

Being so close to somebody who is really into politics, I've only recently come to appreciate what a difficult job the Prime Minister's post must be. You've got the responsibility of the entire country resting on your shoulders, an entire workforce of MPs to manage and (most importantly in my opinion) family to love and provide for and take care of. Not to mention all the other things like making public appearances, always smiling for the camera (even when you feel crap) and having a reputation to uphold. It's no wonder Gordon Brown always looked so miserable.

Yes, the job has obvious perks too... but even so, all this seems pretty daunting to me... Especially having to make decisions and being blamed if it doesn't quite go as planned. That can happen to anybody - thing is though, we're allowed to cover up our mistakes. Ever wondered what it'd be like if our bad decisions were exposed for the whole world to see? The Prime Minister - or even any MP for that matter - does not have the cover-up luxury. People like having somebody to blame, and for the common citizen, people in charge are pretty easy targets.

Have we ever considered ourselves in the making of a country though?

There are three (main) things that should be considered when we ask this question. The first is this: what we have counts. Giving to local charities, community groups, etc (I believe) is an amazing way of contributing to society. Not just money either, but of time and effort and talents and gifts and even love! If there are no charities out there who support whatever your passion may be - go ahead and start something up! There is no reason at all for you to think you're too young, or too insignificant - even the smallest thing can make the biggest difference. Paying taxes and not abusing the welfare system is also another key (and pretty sensitive) issue. Don't take free money you aren't entitled to - if you've got a bad conscience about it then pray and ask God what the craic is. Usually, a bad conscience is the Holy Spirit stirring our hearts. Finding loopholes and taking money that isn't yours is, in essence, stealing from the poorest in our society who actually have a real urgent need for it.

The second issue is our power. Yes, we don't have much - but what we do have is pretty awesome. We are so blessed to live in a country where we have the freedom to choose our leaders. Use your vote wisely - don't judge by appearance or by what your friends think or even by the guy who comes knocking on your door. Read policies, compare them, see what you think. I know it's so cliched, but every vote really does count - especially in this election where a hung parliament has been predicted!

The third and most important issue is prayer. Throughout the Bible there are stories about leaders who have been spoken to by God and chosen by God and even taken down by God. We are urged to pray for our leaders. That's what I'm gonna urge you to do too :) it's something that we don't often think about - but it's of vital importance. With the election coming up, pray that God guides your choosing when you're voting - pray that whoever is chosen (on a local and national level) will be empowered to make wise decisions and lead effectively. Pray that God speaks to them!

Had to get this off my chest. It was on my heart. Feel free to comment :) God bless

why?

2010-03-08T23:00:00.001Z

You know, there's something heartbreaking about reading back through old blogs from 3 years ago and realising that you were stronger in your faith then than you are now.

What's happened since then? Why does it feel like I've taken a million steps back instead of a million steps forward?

I'm not satisfied with living my life as it is now. I can't stand the lukewarm-ness and the mediocrity and I can't stand having faith without the heart-on-fire passion that should go hand in hand with being saved by grace.

Why is it so hard to give my all to the Man who gave His life for me?

God, help me to make the decisions I need to make in order to be one with YOU. I'm sick and tired of living with one foot on Your side and one foot on the world's side. Help me to say no to temptation that is thrown my way..help me to live IN You. THANK YOU for saving me. I just honestly cannot comprehend why anybody would want to save me. You know what I've done and what I will do, and yet You still love me and really really desire a relationship with me?! That's nuts God. You're crazy.. haha :) seriously though God.. I can't do this on my own. Be my strength. Amen.

Lent.

2010-02-18T21:26:00.000Z

So it's this time of year again. The time when chocolate sales plummet and when weight watchers subscriptions soar...Lent. Last year i went off lent for lent. This year, i'm taking a break from facebook. So, with a facebook shaped hole in my day to day living, i thought i'd fill it with something good and wholesome. A good wee blog :)

To be honest, I'm finding the no Facebook thing pretty tough. I like being able to see what SJ and meganface have been getting up to cos with my horrible schedule, i don't really get to see them as much as I'd like to. I keep going to type "facebook" into my address bar but then have to kick myself lol. It's funny how much of a habit it has become. Another thing which is tough is not being able to update my status. I know that sounds really weird but wee things happen during my day and Facebook is a great way to share that stuff with people. Anyway, all these funny and interesting things keep happening and it's so frustrating to not be able to do a quick status update and tell 300 people about what just happened at the click of a button. I know you can do that on twitter or even on a blog like this one but come on, how many people actually read this blog and how many people know that I have twitter?! yep, didn't think so (twitter.com/emykins831 if you're interested!).

So the whole point of me giving up Facebook for lent was that I'd have more time to spend on uni work and with God. It has improved slightly.. but (admittedly) not that much. It's so strange, there always seems to be something else that creeps in to take my attention away from the important things. It's totally my fault and I know that. I need to fix it. Hmmm... time to stop blogging methinks.

yikes!

2009-11-10T23:43:00.000Z

for those of you who have known me for years, the next few things i'm about to come out with may seem a bit unlike me..

i am a worrier.

i guess this is what the transition to adulthood does to you. in all seriousness though, never have i had so much to worry about in all my life. i suddenly have this crazy-ass schedule with an equally crazy-assed amount of work, money worries, what happens after my degree worries, emma's wee problems worries.. and the mad thing is..i'm not even worrying about the moment i'm in right now.. i'm worried about what is going to come. what hasn't yet come. the 'f' word...ohhh dare i say it?!

the future.

yep. it's true. miss so-laid-back-she's-horizontal has now become vertical. and do i like being vertical? not one single bit. of course, with adulthood comes responsibility - but should we worry about it? is worrying even biblical?

we all worry. it just seems to be something that is present within the DNA of mankind. and it sucks, because it can pull us into a big black hole. worry is one of those things that's easy to get into, but so flippin' hard to escape from.. and it's so strange. i'm worrying about things that haven't even come yet, things that are years away and things that may never even happen. it sounds so stupid, doesn't it? worrying about things that might never happen. i just made myself laugh there!

yes, it's ridiculous. but laughing it off won't get us anywhere. how do we really truly escape from worry? at the most fundamental level, i believe it's about trusting God. not just saying "i've got to let go and let God" (spot the christian cliche!) but believing it, knowing it - not just in my head, but in my heart. it's so so much harder than that, i know. but have a think about this - are we limiting God's power with our worrying? by worrying about something, i'm holding onto the situation, i'm trying to exercise control over the situation. yeah, i might pray and ask God to help me - but i know that deep down inside, i'm saying "well you can just give me a shove in the right direction God and i'll take care of the rest." can i really do it in my own strength? nope. no flippin' way. i need someone greater than myself to take control. me taking control isn't good. i need the mercy and grace of God to come wash me clean of my sin every day. can a feeble, messed up sinner really know what is best in a situation?

i'm not going to say any more. i'm not going to tell you what you should do or whatever. i think you know what is best. it's now up to you to go and make those heart-changes. it's tough and it requires a lot of strength (especially if you're a bit of a self-confessed control freak) but you'll have freedom!! praise God that freedom such as this is freely available for us :) praise God that He is bigger than anything we've ever imagined - yet He is interested in us and is WILLING to take care of us - no matter how small the problem may be :)

a fresh revelation.

2009-10-08T22:24:00.000+01:00

so, i've decided i'm not gonna hide anymore. i'm going to try to be as honest as i can in this post...if any of it offends you, i'm sorry. it is not meant to be offensive or harsh. sometimes things smack you right in the face and there is no other way to express your feelings than to be a little more hard than you would usually be. i'm also sorry if you are surprised at things i might say. i'll say this now. i'm only human, you're only human. we're all only human. therefore, we are all (very) prone to making mistakes. so i ask you - before you judge me, stop to ponder those things that Jesus said about the first person to throw stones and the plank in one's eye...

basically, over the past 6 or so months, i've been living a double life. i've been going to church, going to all these christian things, listening to worship music...talking the talk as they say. but inside, i've been struggling like you don't know what. i haven't been living for God. i've been living for me. and can i tell you something? these 6 months have probably been the most miserable of my life. i've tried to get back on track, i've tried to pray and KNOW that someone has been listening..yet i've still felt like i'm talking to nothing. i've tried to read my bible and learn from it so that i can go out and put what i read into practice in my everyday living...yet i still dive into the scriptures with my philosophical + theological glasses on, analysing everything from an academic point of view, rather than reading it simply because it is the pure Word of God. i've tried to get up sunday by sunday and worship at the front of my church in the band...but i just couldn't. how could i lead other people in worship when my heart isn't in it at all? basically, i've been breaking the 2nd commandment (the one about worshiping idols) over and over and over again, without giving it a second thought. the only thing on my mind has been me, me, ME. i'm ashamed if it, and i'm so cross that i wasted so many months which could have been spent with my Jesus.

today, something pretty major happened in the life of one of my mates..something which will affect her forever. i haven't stopped thinking about it and through all her suffering, God has revealed things to me which i never thought i'd be able to grasp. i've decided to write this blog in the hope of sharing some of those things with you and hoping that you will be changed by them just like i have been. they are simple truths, but ones which i feel people really really need to get a hold of. these things have the potential to change lives, to restore hope and to heal the hurting. so don't write them off. read it, take it in, pray over it, allow God into the depths of your soul and let Him do His work in you.

often in those facebook quiz things, a common question is "what would you do if it was your last day on earth?" when i get asked that question, i'm always stumped. of course we like to say "i'd spend it with my friends and family" or something along those lines, but what would you do if it was ACTUALLY going to be your last day on earth? oh and whilst you're thinking about that...how can you be certain that today isn't your last day on earth?

because you're young and healthy?

because you still have so much more to do in life?

because people rely on you and you have to be here to look after them?

nonsense. you don't know when you might go.

that's the reality of it all. today could be your last day. no, no, no. rewind. read it again and really take it in this time.

today could be your last day.

so would you live your last day getting up in the morning all grouchy and shouting at your parents because you stayed up too late last night and are wrecked? would you live your last day gossiping about "weirdos" you know? would you live your last day lying on your ass watching TV and eating junk food? would you keep going to a mirror worrying about your appearance and re-applying makeup? would you watch porn? would you swear? would you drink? would you make fun of people?

i don't think so.

so if today might be your last day...why are you wasting your time doing all that stuff?

do you not want to live out your God given potential? do you not want to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the world instead of just 'fitting in'?

in the grand scheme of things, all the stuff we are convinced that we need are just bits of dust. it says in the bible that grass dries up and flowers wither away but that God goes on forever. so when you think of that phrase...does money matter? in essence, money is just a bit of paper. will it be coming with you when you get judged by God? nope. worried about getting the approval of others? in the long run, will their opinions of you really affect the way that God sees you? nope. no way. appearance doesn't matter, traditions don't matter, intelligence doesn't matter, fame doesn't matter, power doesn't matter.

what matters is...are you doing what Jesus wants you to do? are you living out His word? are you loving and caring and praying for others and using your gifts and giving generously? and if you aren't a christian...are you saved? do you know Jesus can forgive you for all that stuff you did and give you REAL freedom from all that crap you're really struggling to deal with right now? give it to Him, let Him take it. He will hold you in His arms and never let you go. He will love you with a love like you have NEVER experienced before. He will make you whole again.

GOD, CHANGE US into people who don't have any sort of desire to be comfortable or to fit in! EMPOWER US to say no when we have to.

EMPOWER us to say yes to You and Your will - even when it is the hardest option.

give us the wisdom to realise that we could be living in our last moments at any moment.

AMEN.

to whom it may concern

2009-07-26T01:51:00.000+01:00

sometimes God comfuses me. in fact, a lot of the time He confuses me.

He has given dreams and hopes and words for that place...why is none of it happening? why do we seem to be stuck in a dead end? we are seriously going round in circles. we have been warned too many times that we need to get down on our knees and pray seriously - with passion and vigour and heart and soul and mind and strength. how can we expect to do that when we can barely pray for 15 minutes at the start of every service?

why do we not invite the Holy Spirit in? of course, we SAY we want the Holy Spirit in...we even pray it. but then we gossip and whisper and say bad things and make cruel jokes and comment on what "she's" wearing. does the Holy Spirit really want to come into a place like that? i think not. do mere human beings even want to come into a place like that? i think not.

of course, we don't drink, we don't smoke, we don't steal, we haven't had pre-marital sex, we aren't murderers, we don't do drugs, we don't even swear...but when it comes down to it, we are stained with as much sin as anybody lying in a cold prison cell.

Jesus isn't proud of the way i act sometimes. Jesus isn't proud of what i say and what i think sometimes. but He IS proud when we draw on His strength to help us to make those changes.

maybe the key is to start dealing with ourselves, our OWN sin before we start working with God to turn an entire church around. maybe, just maybe, we need to get on our knees and repent of our own sin and be forgiven and washed clean and ready to aim to be true disciples of Jesus Christ rather than living double lives. we cannot say one thing and then do another - what kind of witness is that?

it's not just about the speaking. words can mean very little these days.

i want to see these dreams being fulfilled. i simply cannot stand by and watch that place turn into a furniture shop. it would break my heart...it would break God's heart.

so please, God is asking you to get on your knees. whatever rubbish you have that needs sorted out, pray to Him and He will help you. He is proud of you for going for it :D

A message from God.

2009-07-19T01:06:00.000+01:00

God spoke to me today.

i don't mean one of those times where you think "ooohhh, is this God or is it just me?" i actually KNEW it was God. It was almost audible.

He told me this:

"I AM PROUD OF YOU."

can you believe that?

despite everything i have done, everything i am doing, everything i will do; God says that He is proud of me. that totally blows my mind. i just can't comprehend it.

so here's my message today - whatever you are going through - whether you're hurting, or helping a mate through tough times, or finding your walk hard, or battling against temptation - keep on going!

GOD IS SO PROUD OF YOU.

2009-04-21T18:17:00.000+01:00

just took a quick wee online test. these are my top 27 religions!

1.	Orthodox Quaker (100%)
2.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (80%)
3.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (78%)
4.	Seventh Day Adventist (67%)
5.	Eastern Orthodox (66%)
6.	Roman Catholic (66%)
7.	Liberal Quakers (65%)
8.	Unitarian Universalism (54%)
9.	Islam (52%)
10.	Orthodox Judaism (52%)
11.	Hinduism (51%)
12.	Baha'i Faith (49%)
13.	Mahayana Buddhism (49%)
14.	Theravada Buddhism (49%)
15.	Jainism (45%)
16.	Reform Judaism (45%)
17.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (43%)
18.	Sikhism (38%)
19.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (38%)
20.	Jehovah's Witness (38%)
21.	New Age (37%)
22.	Neo-Pagan (37%)
23.	Secular Humanism (34%)
24.	Taoism (33%)
25.	New Thought (33%)
26.	Scientology (32%)
27.	Nontheist (25%) haha just thought it was interesting :P

the S word

2009-04-16T18:48:00.000+01:00

i am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that there are indecent images all around us.

every movie i see, almost every website i go on, lyrics of songs, even everyday conversation i have overheard. its all about sex. whats that about?!

so i was on bebo and yano the way you can get those wee application thingys? well on ppls pages there are "the sexiest babes" and such like things. i actually stopped and looked at one of the 'babes' today and oh my goodness. yano, its no wonder girls are so self conscious about themselves. normal girls dont look anything like those 'babes'...im afraid that some guys who see those images will have high expectations of girls, im afraid that girls will hate the way they look because their bodies just dont match up and im really afraid about the exposure that sex gets in our everyday lives.

yano, the government goes on about teenage pregnancies and they frequently discuss the matter of abortion. "teens are bored, thats why young girls get pregnant. oh i know! lets come up with something to keep them occupied!"..."teens get pregnant because they dont know enough about contraception. lets send people into the schools to tell them how to have sex properly!" yano what? i think if the government took a closer look at the media they would get some answers as to why these things happen. we don't realise it, but the stuff we see and listen to and watch has a real impact on what we think and do. it makes us curious, it makes our minds wander, it might even turn us on a little bit. and yano what, that sucks.

i hate living in a society where sex is in everything. i think it is an absolute disgrace that people can look at that stuff on bebo - little kids use bebo! i think it is a disgrace that certain music videos are shown in the daytime with everybody watching when there are girls and guys making out and wearing very little clothing. the movie certificate system is a joke. some of the scenes in 12 rated movies should only be allowed to be seen by 18 year olds. my list goes on...

i know this will be quite a controversial post - but it frustrates me that this is all going on and the people who we vote into positions of power in the government seem to be doing very little about it.

post your thoughts..let me know what you think.

yano what..

2009-03-31T21:12:00.000+01:00

i am so happy. happyhappyhappy

ive got my family and friends..

ive got meganface who loves to talk to me about silly things and about God things and we're going on holiday together on friday and i'm just so excited :) time to get away from everything and just relax. im gona forget about my exams and coursework and everything i have to do for that week and just lie in the sun...hopefully getting a tan :)

ive got SJ, the best, loveliest, funniest, most caring (and most clumsy!) guy i know. sometimes i have to hit myself cause i just can't believe how flippin well we go together. its the freakiest thing on the planet, but it is so awesome! i love him so much..even when he's all stressed out about schoolwork lol.

the easter holidays are fast approaching and although i have a load of coursework to do when i get back from my wee holiday with meganface, im still gonna enjoy myself as much as possible. time off school to do nothing is the best time ever and im gonna use it the best i can :)

ahh okay thats my happy rant over lol, it was fun :)

a prayer rooted in frustration

2009-03-11T15:13:00.000Z

i'm sick of a christianity that requires some form of coolness

i'm sick of a christianity that changes itself to fit in with society

i'm sick of a christianity that has little cliques and best friends and favourites

i'm sick of a christianity that does everything for itself and nothing for others

i'm sick of a christianity that won't let anybody else in.

God, change us.

Move us away from our mediocre pharisee tendencies and towards

pure

holy

clear

love.

make us the biggest freaks on the planet.

don't ever let us comfortably fit in.

give us a love that longs for equality.

let us never think of ourselves.

let us put the needs of others before ourselves - minus the bitterness.

let us be the ones that see the gates of heaven open wide - that ALL may go in.

a book review of sorts..

2009-02-23T20:15:00.000Z

today has been an interesting day.

my mum got a book a few weeks ago called "The Shack" (ever heard of it?) by a guy called W.P. Young and i decided i'd start reading it. i struggled with the first few pages, i just couldn't be bothered. i wanted to put it down and switch on this morning instead (lol). but i slowly found myself getting drawn into the story, getting interested by the characters and intrigued by the unusual plot unfolding before me. after a while i was hooked. i haven't totally finished the book yet, but it was so incredibly deep. i know we have the Bible yes, and thats one of the ways get to know God. it is after all HIS very word, spoken from His very lips. but this book, it has given me a new perspective on things. i can't really describe it to you but the ideas put forward in it really spoke to me.

sometimes its hard to develop a 'personal' relationship with a God who is so complex - i mean, there's the whole trinity idea, 3 in 1, sometimes i can't get my head around that. then there's the fact that Jesus lives in us - Jesus lives in us? but how? then there's the crucifixion, the resurrection, the big evil and suffering debate, and countless other things that day in and day out just fry my brain. How are we even meant to have a personal relationship with a God who we cannot physically see or touch or hear or even smell? we rely on so much empirical evidence, yet when it comes to belief in God, many people seem to just say "yeah i get it, i understand this faith".

well sometimes i don't.

in fact, a lot of the time i don't get it.

The shack presents the Father, Son and Holy Spirit as people (on second thoughts, even though it is a contradiction, "supernatural people" may serve as a better description of how Young presents God) who i can relate to. For example, the character of Jesus in His book has opened my eyes. The Bible presents Jesus as a friend, yes. But sometimes the stories of Him walking on water and raising the dead scare us a little. to be honest, i'm a tiny wee bit scared about meeting Jesus. its so hard to relate to him sometimes. Jesus was fully human, yes. But He was also fully God. its this that makes it so hard for me sometimes to relate to Him.

Take for example the whole thought thing. Jesus said that if you even think about a member of the opposite sex in a lustful way you might as well have gone over to them and had sex. in other words, in the new covenant, even thinking about sinning was just as bad as actually getting up and committing the sin. i dont know about you, but i think about sinning on a daily basis. sometimes i wonder - how did Jesus not think about sinning? it seems totally impossible to me. but then again, maybe us thinking about the sinning is just temptation, and we all know that Jesus was tempted....

...hmmm....sorry im going off on a bit of a tangent there! okay ill get back to the shack (haha that rhymes).

it presents Jesus as an ordinary guy - he looks like your average man, not like a supermodel or anything lol, he speaks in a way that can be easily understood, he finds joy just sitting and stargazing with the main character of the book, Mack. the best thing about it though is the way Jesus loves. He just sits with Mack and has conversations with him. they laugh together and listen to each other and cry together. sometimes when we read in the Bible of Jesus interacting with the disciples, we can forget that they were just ordinary people too. it was refreshing to read of Jesus interacting with another human being who wasn't a disciple...the book presents Mack's shortcomings, his failings, his story, his hurts, his doubts, where he went wrong in life; and then it shows Jesus hugging him, asking him questions, just enjoying being with him. THATS what a personal relationship with Jesus should be like. THATS the kind of relationship i want with my Saviour. i think sometimes its easy to distance ourselves from God, in fact i think we've become so accustomed to it that it has shaped the way our faith is.

tell me this, do you love God? "of course i do!" i hear you say...

but do you REALLY love God?

with love, comes trust. if we truly love God, we should trust him - not just with the little things like the test we haven't really revised for, or for the dentist appointment we are dreading. we should trust Him in the big things too. if we trust God with our lives, He will take control, and all the decisions He makes will be for good. they may not seem like good at the time, but we can't see the bigger picture. as it says in the shack... "Who wants to worship a God who can be fully comprehended, eh? Not much mystery in that".

i know ive gone on about this book alot, but let me tell you, nothing on this earth (especially a book!) can compare with the fullness and the wisdom and the joy i get from knowing Jesus. im going to pursue this personal relationship with Him and see where trusting Him takes me. im guessing it wont be easy, but im willing to take the risk. it is going to be oh so worth it.

to megan

2009-01-31T15:28:00.000Z

last night at work, a certain best friend of mine told me to write a blog. so i thought i would.

things have been incredibly busy lately. i dont really know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing. its good having so much to do but sometimes it all gets a bit too much which is annoying.

church is changing...in the next few months things wont be easy, its gona be weird having a new minister and having some people leave, but God is in it all. He has it all in His hands. weird thing is though, that despite all these changes and all the bad stuff thats happened/happening, i reckon God is at work in that place more than ever. there was alot of hype last year about what was gonna happen last year, but maybe God didnt want the hype. maybe he was waiting for us to come with raw hearts, broken and tired before He could do what He really wanted to do. i feel like alot of people are growing in the faith and i feel like there are some people who are just on the brink of coming to Christ. theres a certain triumphant feeling in my church right now. i dont quite know what it is, but i do know that even though some people think we have lost the battle, its still going on, and there are still people fighting with Christ in their hearts and Christ by their sides. yano what? we're winning.

every single day is a battle against evil. evil comes at you from every side, evil comes at me from every side. i try to fight evil myself and i lose. ha, i wonder why?! we always forget the immense power that our awesome God has. more than that though, we always forget that we can use that power. God is always there to rescue us from the crap that makes us stumble and fall.

i found these verses the other day, and i think they will strike a chord with everyone who reads this. they struck a chord with me, i can so identify with these words!

Romans 7:14-25 (the message):

"Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.
17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

Christ can save us from making bad decisions. He has the power! im gona try and just leave everything in His hands. when i fight by myself i dont have the power or the strength to pull myself through.

God take me. when i dont have the power to resist sin, whisper in my ear, tell me i can do it. give me the strength and the willpower to walk away from whatever is about to pull me in. Holy Spirit, guide me, Jesus forgive me, Father love me. empower me to make the right decisions. in Your name i pray, amen.

starbucks with a friend..

2008-08-25T11:14:00.000+01:00

just back from starbucks with a mate..she always gets me thinking about things..

things are very confusing atm, especially where God is concerned. alot of christians make the God thing look really easy, but it really isnt easy at all. its so hard to just listen to Him and to do what He wants instead of what you want. the things that He wants you to do are harder, yet they will be better in the long term. but because we cant see the bigger picture, its so hard for us to do what He wants.

anyways, i was at lurgan elim last night (it was very good btw, you should go there someday) and the wee pastor dude was talking about plans. ive heard the plans talk before, but it was just good to have it refreshed. ive just got my AS results, and recently ive been thinking so much about the future - trying to plan out my life for the next few years - what uni i'll go to, what course i'll do, what jobs i can get with those qualifications, where i'll live, who i'll be with...my mind has just been overloaded with plans these days. sometimes, when things dont go my way i get scared, cause then its possible that my plans just wont work out. but who am i to plan my life? is it even my life to plan? i belong to God - i am property of Jesus Christ. So why am i making myself boss over my entire life? i dont know whats coming, i dont know if ill still be on this planet in the next 10 minutes. i dont know if i'll be here tomorrow, i dont know if i'll be here in 5 or 10 years time. so why am i wasting my time making plans? perhaps the time i spend making plans is time wasted. what if God is sitting on His throne yelling at me to just stop and live for today instead of for the future? today, the present, it's totally filled to the brim with opportunities! why am i wasting opportunities by making a 10 year life plan when i could be living in the now, soaking up everything that God has for me this very second? yeah, i have lots of dreams. i love dreaming big! but as for this whole plans thing, im just gonna take life as it comes. Jesus knows whats coming and i dont, so maybe its just better allowing him to be in control of me.

guess who's back?

2008-08-11T21:31:00.000+01:00

well im back from america!

it was possibly the most amazing experience of my life so far...people keep asking me how it was or what i did there...but its sooo hard to answer those questions! i made loads of new mates, went on class trips, learned loads and God even gave me a few more dreams :) if you want specifics then ask me specific questions :)

life is alright atm, God stuff is okay-ish i guess, and things are great with the boy. he just makes me smile :)

i feel like i should be elaborating more, but i cant really right now, im just really tired these days! and i couldnt be bothered typing all my thoughts down here, there are far too many right now! it'd take ages to type them all...

anyways, theres an update.

life, viva la vida or death and all his friends..a coldplay blog

2008-06-19T11:08:00.000+01:00

i feel like writing a blog, but i have no clue what to write about! lol

okay...err

ohh okay. hows about this: i AM SO HAPPY :) lol...here's a list why

1. GOD (!)
2. the boy
3. america
4. coldplay
5. kidneys

i guess i should explain why i put kidneys down on the list lol. havent been feelin well for weeks now, but on friday night it really kicked off. i was soo scared about going to the docs, and scared that it wouldnt be a diagnosable thing, that i would just have to stick it out both here and in america :s but it is a kidney thing! and i got tablets! and its getting better :) yeoooo!

the coldplay album is out of this world. a friend told me last night that all coldplays stuff sounds the same. no flippin way! have you heard viva la vida?! its the most amazing thing ever lol. possibly my favourite one of their albums yet...well it and parachutes. i love parachutes. what an amazing first album like! okay heres the list right now. i guess this will have to be updated once ive listened to viva la vida for a while...

1. viva la vida or death and all his friends
2. parachutes
3. X+Y
4. a rush of blood to the head

my favourite track on the album is "death and all his friends". go check it out on youtube or something. that song makes me want to cry lol its such an emotional song. the piano bit with chris and the wee bit of electric guitar in the background creates a gorgeous atmosphere. the melody of that wee start section is beautiful. i could listen to it all day lol. and then when it leads into a wee rocky bit, with an awesome bass line, which just makes you want to dance! and then after that, there is a really beautiful coldplay-esque section, with that really clean sound that was so prevailent on X+Y. the track ends with an extract from the first track on the album - life in technicolor. i dont particularly like this bit in comparison with the rest of the track, but i feel that it creates a lovely ending to the album. playing the album as it is without skipping tracks or fast forwarding or anything, it reminds me of an oratorio. dont ask why, it just does lol. if it were to be performed in that way, as a big musical work, i think the ending part on death and all his friends would be perfect to round off the performance. the album itself is so varied, and is quite unlike any of coldplays previous songs. thats what i think anyways. for those of you who might have stumbled across this and have heard viva la vida, give me your opinion!

anyways, thats my wee musical rant over lol. i have more thoughts to process on the album, so ill probably be back with some sort of opinion on different songs.

goodbye!

stuff

2008-06-02T12:35:00.000+01:00

well i havent posted a blog in a while so i thought i would :)

the strangest thing happened yesterday...i sat in my living room last night and watched 20 minutes of "the greatest movie love songs of all time" on The Hits. more than that though, i liked it :s i even went onto itunes and bought one of the songs ("There you'll be" - Faith Hill). whats wrong with me?! a while back i wouldnt touch love songs with a 10 foot pole! oh well, maybe it's just a phase

exams exams exams...they suckk! ive got through 2 so far, and they went okay! ill just have to wait until the results come back i guess :s yikes! well i have 3 more to go - RE, and 2 ICT exams. not so bad, considering some people have about 6 still to go! dropping english was the best decision i have ever made lol

God. Well it has felt like He's a bit distant recently. I guess thats my fault - ive been neglecting my praying and reading and so on because my mind has been...elsewhere shall we say. but im fixing it :) so that will be grand.

Church...yesterday i thought it was great, the worship for me was very intimate. i guess its gonna be different for everybody, but that was my take on yesterday anyways. Colin preached a killer sermon again, and (again) it felt like he was just sitting talking to me one on one in a room! God is using that man something serious, and it's class!

AMERICA! i cant wait. i seriously cant wait. although im gonna miss the northern irish weather (yes i said it lol...im soo scared that i wont be able to stick the heat in america!) and im gonna miss TSYB and church and my house and my room and stuart..i guess to a certain extent ill miss my family too, but then again i have never been away for a whole month so ill probably miss them more than anything lol. this is my first proper holiday - ill be away for the longest time ive ever been, and ill be the furthest away i have ever been too. me and my host teen ali are getting on really well, she reminds me of me a bit and her family seem really cool. thats one of the things im most looking forward to - getting to know ali better :) oh and i cant wait for the plane journey, i love flying soo much..but apparently 8 hours in a plane gets boring lol. i think ill manage fine, ill have my ipod with the best music ever on it. thats all i need to get through 8 hours of boredom lol

anyways, i had better go, i think the simple life is coming on soon :) whooooo

havent typed a blog in a while

2008-04-22T21:05:00.000+01:00

To be honest, life these days is pretty boring. Well there’s a lot going on…exams, revision, coursework…all that jazz, and then there’s church stuff too. It’s more exciting, but the exams etc are kind of distracting my attention to say the least. There’s personal stuff going on too, but I can’t mention it on this lol! So, I send my apologies to all you nosey people out there =) I’m starting to realise the importance of centering everything on Christ. I have made a few slip ups recently, and when I go to slip up more, I just say to myself “ahh its okay, you aren’t doing anybody any harm, just go for it” and then I listen to myself without hearing the whisper of God and obeying His voice. There’s nothing like guilt to trip you up though lol, and since I have tripped, Christ is being put at the centre. It’s not easy with so much temptation and distraction around, but I’m working on it. It will be worth it in the end =)

All this work and stuff is quite exhausting to say the least, so I’m relying fully upon the strength of Christ. It’s quite strange, cause in a good day, we don’t rely on His strength…it always seems to be when something is bugging us, or when we’re tired or weak…I wonder what a good day would turn out like if we relied on His strength instead of our own? Might be an even better day =)

Well I had better be off

That’s all folks

brief update

2008-03-25T15:00:00.000Z

my mum is married :D yesss

yesterday = great day. really great day.

mum + tom are coming back today from the honeymoon! so i needa tidy the house...its slightly messy...

thomas street is improving i think, but keep praying

grandma is doing really well. shes nearly ready to enter strictly come dancing!

i must go tidy the house...

byee x

(to whom it may concern...831...)

WHOOOO...nooo....WHOOOO....nooo...

2008-03-12T22:43:00.000Z

today has had its ups and downs i guess. pretty major ups and downs though.
keep Thomas Street in your prayers. i cant say much, but there's one heck of a major battle going on, and it has the potential to completely ruin the church. things are worse than ever by a long shot, so your prayers would be appreciated so so much. thankyou!!

aside from more personal attacks and stuff today (and a massively humongous workload), im really happy. mum is getting married next thursday, im going to be home alone for 5 days (yesss!) and the best thing ever...i met my step brothers today : ) they are class. really lovely guys. its so exciting to see my wee family grow! they are in their 20s and live in belfast, and we had so much fun tonight! cant wait to get to know them better and stuff : ) yeoooo i have 2 big brothers! its great : )

some things..

2008-02-15T22:58:00.000Z

first thing on my mind is...never ever ever treat someone who works in a wee shop or in a wee restaurant or cafe or something like a piece of dirt. some guy rang me up tonight and i tried to explain what went wrong but he wouldnt let me get a word in edgeways cause he was shouting over everything i tried to say. then he called me a stupid f***ing female dog and slammed down the phone. i know he was probably taking out the anger he had at something else out on me cause im a kind of easy target, but still, theres no need for stuff like that. its just horrible. rant number one over.

rant number two...well it isnt really a rant i guess...it has the potential to be a rant but i dont want to give satan the glory. since i got this calling thing from God, it seems like everything has just turned topsy turvy...but im gonna continue walking hand in hand with my Jesus, laughing with him at the fact that satan thinks he can win...loser...

wow im tired...might hit the sack.

whoever reads this, could you do me a wee favour? my grandma is going into hospital on monday to get a hip replacement on tuesday...so could you pray for the doctors and nurses and that my grandma will come through the op and that it will be a success? thankyou...also, pray for me. A LOT is happening right now, and its tough to take it all in, never mind all these bloomin attacks. thanks so much. God bless

calling

2008-02-13T23:30:00.000Z

Do you ever feel like you're being called to higher places?

i feel like that right now, and man, i'm terrified :s

God placed this real heavy burden on my heart, every time i think about it it makes me want to weep. I have spent the past couple of days testing whether it was of Him or not, and i got it confirmed time and time again that it is a total God thing.

I know God is bigger than anything and that He can do anything and that i can do anything through Him, but i'm only human and it still seems pretty daunting :s at least i know for sure that i have the creator of the universe by my side.

before i go into this though theres lots of things i need to sort out like forgiving people, and other stuff that i just need to lay down at the foot of the cross. i need God to heal the hurt from the past. that isn't going to go away in a day or a week or a month. that healing process is gonna take a while, but i think i'm ready to do it. in the book im reading it says that stuff like bitterness and anger etc can hold us back from completing tasks God gives us. well i dont want anything to hold me back. so im gonna try and do whatever it takes to get rid of this hurt and anger and bitterness inside of me. God wants me to do this, so im gonna do my very best for Him. even if it hurts.

it probably will...

hmm

2008-01-08T20:40:00.002Z

i really feel like typing up a blog...but i dont know what to say!

theres not much you can say after a night like sunday night :)

God answers prayer. well theres a start! no but seriously, we have prayed for this for so long, generations have prayed before us that the fire in thomas street would be re-ignited...and its happening. its actually happening. its so hard to grasp it though. cause we have wanted it for so long and we saw a tiny glimpse of Gods face, its hard to believe that it happened. but it did! and its gonna keep on happening.

i am certain of that.

one thing im afraid of though is people losing the vision throughout the year. i know there are so many more hard times to come...were probably gonna have to fight like we have never fought before this year. and its gonna hurt, and its gonna be unbearable at times, but oh man, i cant wait to see the finished results. its going to be worth it. everything is going to be worth it. i cant wait to see the day when i can walk into that church and watch people get into totally pride-less, undignified worship...i cant wait to see people getting healed...to see God work in peoples lives, to see thomas street be effective in working in the community. i cant wait to see peoples gifts being released and being used totally for Gods glory :D

nigel told me on sunday that thomas street was set up because of the 1859 revival in ulster...imagine what the people back then would say if they saw our worship now? but its gonna be revived again....yeooooo im totally certain! its not an "if"...its a "when" :D

2008-01-08T20:40:00.001Z

church

2008-01-06T21:07:00.001Z

just back from church...

it was the most amazing service i have ever been to in my entire life....EVER. that includes stuff like resonate, summer madness, autumn soul...it was just amazing.

there is nothing like seeing a wee bit of your dream come true :)

THE SPIRIT MOVED.

THE SPIRIT IS ON THE MOVE.

and guess what!? nothing, and i mean nothing, is gonna get in its way.

thomas street is changing. its been a slow couple of years, and we have stumbled so many times...but it has been oh so worth it! we are in a place now where people are willing to change...and im not talking about getting powerpoint installed, or anything silly like that. im talking about people being open to the Spirit. its happening. its actually happening...and people are starting to believe that its happening. its unreal. actually unreal.

im just jumping up and down inside! i dont think ill be able to concentrate at school tomorrow...it will be far too hard. im God on the brain, God in the soul, God everywhere and i dont think thats gonna go away anytime soon :)

i feel a bit weird though...ill have to explain sometime, but now is not the night. the Spirit is on the move!!

new year

2008-01-01T21:05:00.000Z

well, it doesnt actually feel like it, but its finally 2008. Kinda hard to believe to be honest... this year has totally flown for me! so much stuff has happened. especially within thomas street. i dunno...2008...its gonna be a new start for our church. for sure. yesterday was so good. we had a prayer and fasting thing in church from 8am to 8pm (eddie decided to call it "82880"...ill be very impressed if you can work that one out lol) and God totally moved in that place. ive never really fasted before, and to be honest, i didnt think it would have much of an effect, but it was so amazing. it was unlike anything ive ever experienced before. we were crying out to God to come and unite the church, to send revival...we were pleading the Holy Spirit to come and dwell in the church, to move in the hearts of the people of thomas street and portadown...we cried out to Jesus, begging Him to heal, begging Him to help us to love, begging Him for forgiveness. theres something about praying when you havent eaten...its like...the brokenness i have for thomas street, it was made into a physical thing if you get me. it made the praying more intense, more real. it made me pray harder. it made me pray like i have never prayed before. yesterday, my eyes were opened to the potential that every single person on this planet holds. we had a non christian lady come in and ask to be prayed for...we had a non christian guy who doesnt have any time for church or God come in and give us a jar of coffee...we prayed for more people to come into church to volunteer to do stuff, then eddie gets a phone call from a lady who wants to come and help at youth club...he hadnt talked to that lady in ages. she just came. People belonging to Thomas street and other churches just turned up and we all prayed with them...there were tears of gratefulness, and tears of assurance that God was with them and would get them through certain situations.there were so many mini miracles yesterday. God blessed us again and again and again. His presence in that church was so tangible. it was such an aazing way to round off 2007 and to bring in 2008. i have this really excited feeling about 2008. i get shivers everytime i think about what God could do. i really think my church needs to pray more though. without prayer, nothing will be accomplished. we need Gods strength. thomas street is in dire need of the Holy Spirit. we need a mighty move of the Spirit. cause thats the only way things are gonna change. thats the only way that the church can lose their pride in worship and become totally undignified. one thing is for sure though...revival is coming. God is gonna explode into peoples lives...and the church is gonna be revived, towns are gonna be revived, cities are gonna be revived....and the next thing we know it, the whole of ireland will be revived. thats my dream for 2008. its a pretty big dream, but God is bigger :) how could i live for anyone else?! how could i go through this life without Jesus? what would i have to live for?...nothing. thats what. at the start of "82880" yesterday, eddie asked us two questions. 1. what are your top 3 dreams for 2008? and 2. what were your top 3 highlights of 2007? well ive basically typed out my dreams...so ill give you my highlights of 2007 1. mum and tom getting engaged - self explanitory 2. summer madness - because God started really really breaking me for the poor and the hurting and the lost. He spoke to me about my money, and how i should give more of it away. summer madness changed my outlook on life, and on how i choose to live my life...and how my choices can have a great impact on the worlds poorest. 3. becoming closer to God - this was a more general highlight. i didnt wake up one day and just suddenly feel closer to God than ever before lol. it took time, and it took prayer, it took uncomfortable questions, it took addressing issues that i had shoved to the back of my mind and allowing God to heal the hurt, it took patience. but oh man, it was totally worth it. every set of tears, every sick feeling in my stomach, every doubt, every struggle...it was all worth it. im hungry for more. im more hungry than i have ever ever been before...and God has totally transformed me in one year. but it took severe perserverence. if you feel like you cant keep going with the God thing, dont give up. never ever ever give up. keep at it! God is working in you, even in your struggles.

God i thankyou for 2007. God what an amazing year! Keep filling us with dreams...and if we think they are too big to be accomplished, or too small to be even considered, God tell us to wise up...cause you are bigger than anything. YOU and You alone can accomplish anything. i thankyou for that! Keep pouring on the blessings in 2008. Lord, make this the year of change. make this the year of growth...come Holy Spirit, revive us again. empower us for the plans God has for us. God reveal those plans to us. let us not be distracted by things in this world, but keep our eyes focused on You. help us to distinguish between Your voice and our voice. let us hear Your voice in 2008 God. in Jesus holy and mighty name, Amen (let it be.) xo

listening...

2007-12-07T23:26:00.001Z

hmmmm

i had someone round at my house tonight (meganface, obviously) and we were talking about exciting things...and it got me thinking about stuff.

Okay, so God speaks to us, but i reckon He's speaking to us all the time. He speaks to us day and night, at school, when beboing, when playing guitar, when at resonate...all the time. but we dont hear Him. He's shouting to us, but we drown out His voice with our own thoughts or with other such distracting things.

So maybe im wasting my time writing this blog. i wonder what God is trying to say to me now?

i wonder what would happen if we listened closely all the time...

amazing things i reckon : )

so, my challenge to you is.....get off this. get off it right now.

and i really dont care if you havent read your emails yet, or if you want just one more minute to browse on bebo...get off it NOW and go somewhere quiet and just listen to God....read your bible, pray.....just listen.

see what He tells you :p

hard song...

2007-12-04T21:23:00.001Z

so months and months ago amy let me borrow a few of her jason upton cds (bad idea ames, im rubbish at giving things back lol) but yeah, its only in the past week that ive really gotton into him. i think its the tone of the bass guitar i didnt like before, but my ears have adjusted and i cant get enough of his music. he has even written a song named after me, and the lyrics are just so cool and the music isnt bad either!

but theres this one song and i honestly cant listen to it. and i know by posting this im like making myself vulnerable, but i dont really care lol. its not the music i cant stand, its the lyrics. every time it comes on i sprint over to the cd player and switch. it just makes me feel really really uncomfortable and i dont know why. it makes me feel weird the way he refers to God as "daddy" throughout this song. i guess im used to calling God "father", but the term "daddy" really hit me, cause its like what a kid would call their dad today. i suppose i call God "father" because its more formal, and lets be honest, who calls their earthly dad "father" anyway! but the way he calls God "daddy"...it really made me feel odd.

here are the lyrics...

WHEN IT THUNDERS - JASON UPTON

Baby look up there’s our star in the middle of the sky
Shining where we are to comfort you and I
While I hold you in the dark I hope you see the light
And the passion of my heart in this simple lullaby

Daddy don’t sleep daddy don’t slumber
I don’t wonder when it thunders
If I’m safe in daddy’s arms (repeat)

Daddy look up there’s our star I hear you say to me
Something deep inside says I never want to leave
So I need for you to know whenever I go
God is in control and you are in His arms

"now is the time"...?

2007-12-02T17:45:00.000Z

i keep on hearing the phrase "now is the time" everywhere these days...

true, now is the time for alot of things...

but its been a long and hard waiting game for other things.

it just leaves me wondering, is now really the time? is now Gods time?

like, okay, i know no one knows when Gods time is for stuff, and i know His timing is always perfect...

okay maybe i should just accept that Gods timing is best instead of questioning everything lol.

its good to ask questions, but you can ask so many and think way too much, and it can really really really damage your faith.

but its annoying me lol. i cant get it out of my head. when will God do it? when is His time?

i wish He would hurry up lol.

im so hungry for more. i just want more..."without measure or limit"...

i guess, ill just have to wait a little longer. but its okay, im willing to wait, no matter how hard and frustrating it is

untitled

2007-12-02T00:31:00.001Z

my posts have such stupid names...

anyways,

today was awesome. totally awesome! God taught me alot. alotalotalot...and He is just ammmmmazing...

i keep asking myself what life would be like without Him...and seriously i cant imagine how crap it would be. what would i be living for? nothing...or something pretty dumb anyways.

the past wee while has been awful, its just seemed like attack after attack after attack. but another thing that ive been thinking of is fire. fire refines, but in order to refine, it has to burn the metal and melt all the crap off...its like God with us. thats what He does with us. so amidst all the burning and hurting...God has been there, working out His purposes...just like He said He would. funny thing is, after all the crap, i actually feel a little refined. theres a long way to go yet, but its all one step at a time i guess!

God is about to really really really burst into peoples lives right now..i dont know whether to be terrified or overjoyed...

think ill go for overjoyed! :p

lol

2007-11-24T12:13:00.000Z

ive been learning how to pray...okay so there isnt a set way that you can pray, but ive been learning a way which suits me more. sounds a bit silly but it works for me really really well.

on a completely different note altogether, ive been watching MobileAct Unsigned on T4 alot these days too, its such a great show. anyways, theres a really really really good band...and i want them to win so i can buy their album lol...so go to this link and tell me what you think of them!

http://www.mobileact.co.uk/bands/Hijak-Oscar

i love it!

emmm what else....hmm theres alot, but i wont go into it : P

PS

2007-11-17T00:08:00.001Z

PS...forgot to mention...

ive just realised how big my dreams are...

the journey so far..

2007-11-16T23:28:00.001Z

dont ask why i have called this post "the journey so far.." cause i honestly dont have a clue lol. its not really that relevant...well i guess it kind of is...but it kind of isnt...anyways, make your own mind up : P

okay. so alot (and i mean alot) has happened since my last post! let me see...oh i went to autumn soul and it was amazing : ) and i got my AS hoodie and it is also amazing but not as amazing as autumn soul itself...i saw my richhill friends again (whom i really really miss) and i saw ruth and timmy (it was weird not having ben and eliz there too though) and i saw pete ferg and sir stephen and a whole bunch of other weirdos. seriously though it was class.

emm...God taught me alot of personal stuff...He taught me about myself and how i needa fix myself and allow His fire to totally refine me...He gave me the most amazing picture ever (!)...and He told me that i have to stay single (for now anyways) no matter what amazing guy i stumble across. actually, ive been thinking alot about the single life. tbh, i dont think God designed me to be in a relationship with someone. like, it would be a complete nightmare living with me lol. i love really loud music all the time (with loads of bass (bass is best after all)), and i love to make music really late at night and i am quite untidy and i lose things (alot) and i just dont know what to say when people are sad. i just kinda sit there with them, lost for words, i always forget things and have a subscription to the readers digest (oh the shame!), but seriously though, if God told me i were to be single for the rest of my life, i dont think i would mind. i like my own company, im happy in my own company, im happy when its just me and God, the daughter with the Dad. in fact, when im alone worshipping, i just feel so free...some of the best times in my life ever have happened when i was alone. but i think im too young to be thinking so far ahead..thats what i get told anyway lol.

theres the biggest pile of crud happening in my church right now. ill not go into detail, but it is worse than it has EVER been before. so, please pray for us, but pray for people living in poverty more...they are the ones who really need the prayer.

its 11:50, wayyyy past my bedtime lol. i honestly couldnt be botheres typing anymore...i might head to bed and read for a bit.

adios

hehe...

2007-10-22T20:41:00.000+01:00

wow!

ive had quite an eventful weekend... : )

my heart was broken...more...and i dont think i can ever get over what i saw..in short, we were in belfast helping the homeless. saw lots, hurt lots, cried lots, prayed lots. Decided to speak in church about it...so i did and well, got great response from the congregation. a wee old lady gave me the money she would have spent on the church christmas dinner...she decided not to go because she thought it was a disgrace how much it cost when there are people living on the streets who have nothing. so, she gave me her money (£27) and told me to buy food for the homeless next time i was out. but i think the next bit is...well its someting else. as i was thanking her and telling her that God loves her worship, she interrupted me...last year her husband died..she told me that she still has all of his old clothes and underwear and stuff. with tears in her eyes this lady (who i think is still completely broken over her husbands death) told me that she wanted to give me the clothes. every single last garment so i could give the homeless some new clothes to wear. she actually cried and as i hugged her i realised the depth of her giving...this is what worship is all about. sacrificial giving.

that wee lady is truly amazing and she doesnt realise how amazing her gift is!

As i prayed over the congregation on sunday morning begging God to break the hearts of the people sitting in their pews, it hit me. this is what its all about. raising awareness, telling the Church to go just as JC himself commanded. i reckon the Church needs alot of motivation. alot. so i encourage you, if theres ever anything on your heart and it just feels like youre gonna explode, tell your church. seriously. that explosion is a sign from the Holy Spirit that God wants to use what youve gotta say. Even if people ridicule you afterwards, even if no one seems to care, just remember this: God has worked in you, he has planted a seed in the hearts of those people and someday they will see something and it will hit them like a ton of bricks. the flower will blossom and God will begin something in them!

It says this in Jeremiah 20:7...

"The words are fire in my belly, a burning in my bones. I'm worn out trying to hold it in. I can't do it any longer!"

So thats one story : P

yeoooooo

2007-10-15T22:54:00.000+01:00

well, i went to see the rev...

told him the story from the beginning...even printed out the verses from amos that have been on my heart and playing over and over in my mind...he said that the idea has obviously been birthed from prayer and reading the bible and God time, and that he will support it 100%

so that means "ALL SYSTEMS GO!"

Colin says i can do all of my ideas! every single one!!
Plus, hes gonna try and get a tearfund guy in to speak on the last sunday of it : D like seriously though, how flippin AWESOME is that?! so looks like ive gotta do everything for it, which is absolutely fantastic! wouldnt have it any other way. cant wait to see thomas street praying for the world...God is gonna move!!

various happenings

2007-10-15T17:12:00.000+01:00

School is a funny sort of place...its both good and bad. I guess though, im struggling to see the good.

Like, i know God wants me there to study and get good grades so that doors will be opened and stuff..but school is so lonely. Its lonely in a friends sort of way (well, that might be a God thing but yeah, just dont ask lol) and i dont know whether to be happy or sad about that tbh. I mean, perhaps God wants me to make new mates and get them involved with Him..but thats hard for me : ( im a kinda shy person...well not shy, just quite quiet thats all. Maybe God wants me to help lonely people in school, or maybe He wants me to spend the time i would have spent with my mates with Him instead...hmm its all a bit confusing. Still, ill ask Him whats going on lol. Im pretty sure He will fill me in.

Im going to see colin tonight! cant wait to see what hes gonna say about the prayer week. ive got loads of ideas for it...getting the church involved in the bigger issues is so great. and it aint just an optional extra with being a christian. its part of our duty! a huge part!

oh heres the link btw, just incase you want to see it...but sure, no one ever reads this anyway lol

http://www.bepartofamiracle.org.uk/Prayer+week

so yeah, ill do another post when i get home from the wee meeting : ) yeooooo

greater things are yet to come

2007-10-14T20:51:00.000+01:00

Well, its officially official : )

God wants me to bring it up at the meeting, and He wants me to run the prayer week. How awesome is that?!

Megan was round at mine and we were having a wee God time, and i went upstairs to get us some bibles and i found "The Vision and The Vow" book sitting beside my mums bed. Hadnt read it in a while so i just flicked through and opened up at a random page. And i started reading in the middle of this paragraph and it talked about how worship involves caring for the poor and being active in that care. So that was conformation number one : )

Number two came this morning. Harvest in Thomas Street is a pretty cool time : ) and there was this minister dude from lisburn preaching. And the whole sermon was based on caring for the poor and injustice and stuff...so i spoke to nigel about stuff and he said "emma, thats your conformation. you have to do it now"

So i dont really know whether to be happy or to be scared...i mean, now, theres no turning back. and if i do turn back, i might just get swallowed by a big whale and lets face it, no one wants that!

So, all i have left to do is talk to the rev colin about it..and see if i can get his permission : ) ive got a slot with him tomorrow. And i know since God wants it, colin will say yes. that guy is so tuned in with the Holy Spirit its unreal.

Praise this morning and tonight was amazing. a wee lady told nigel she was so blessed by the music and gave us some money so we can have a day out sometime. I felt that today was the start of something really REALLY amazing for our church..maybe revival? maybe awakening? maybe fire? only God knows...and i cant wait to see whats gonna happen! Its just so bloomin exciting : )

Keep praying!!

breaking...

2007-10-10T18:53:00.002+01:00

God is answering my prayers for my heart to be broken...

tho, its harder than i thought it would be. Way harder.

Injustice, poverty, murders, suicides, AIDS, homelessness, addiction, rejection, trafficking, abuse, domestic violence, rape, the unsaved...i find my heart crying out for the church to help, but no one seems to care. They're all too busy worrying about powerpoint or sound equipment or the building or the church leaders.

In my church, ive recently been asked to represent the youth board on the worship committee...that is totally fantastic, i have this real passion for intimate and meaningful worship and being on the committee will allow me to voice my opinion on the subject...but what if God is fed up with our songs? What if He is telling us to stop singing and we ignore Him, for comforts sake. What if our call to worship is more than songs/art/drama/whatever your gift is...

What if our call to worship has to be out there, outside our warm, comfortable, familiar churches...and out there giving and giving and giving instead of getting...

Thats what im gonna bring up at the next meeting. I seriously believe that God is fed up with nice wee songs and that He just wants us to go out and fulfill our roles as Christians ('little Christs').

I am ashamed of the state of the church...at the petty arguments over nothing that really matters, at Christians not showing love to one another...me and grandma were talking about that today actually...about how if Christians cant love one another, then how can they expect to be blessed by God or love effectively?

Im also ashamed at the greed of our society. I am ashamed of myself for wanting more 'stuff' when i already have more than enough material things...poverty is caused by greed.

So, im gonna pray about this. And if JC says i can bring this up at the next meeting then i will. And if JC says that i can get our church to take part in the Global Poverty Prayer Week...then i will.

Im ready for Him to take me anywhere. Bring it on God!

summer thoughts..

2007-10-05T21:30:00.001+01:00

wow...i havent been on this thing for a while!

Well so much has happened! Despite being really terrified about getting my GCSE results, i passed all of them and am now back in portadown college (joy...) studying all of my 1st choice subjects (for those of you who are interested they are music, RE, ICT and english lit) so i guess in some ways thats good lol. School is great these days, a bit lonely at times, but the classes really inspire me and they are really in depth which is amazing : ) especially with RE cause i really dont like having to regurgitate bible stories in exams...i like to think deeper about things...and half of the course is philosophy stuff so thats brilliant : )

Summer Madness was...mad! It only rained a wee tiny bit and all in all the weather was top notch so a big thankyou to The Big Man up there for answering my prayers : ) i also found the teaching very VERY challenging...it left me thinking about how i live my life and how i need to change alot of it so i can be more in touch with JC and God and the Holy Spirit in my life. Amazing stuff : ) although i think that people who attend the likes of SM expect to come out of the morning and evening main stage worship sessions feeling 'fuzzy' and all nice and 'warm' inside cause they have experienced the love of God. And yes, you could for sure feel God in that place theres no denying it...but God didnt just want us to feel all cozy and then leave on a high. He wanted to see his love manifested in us so we can change the world. God made us hurt for the poor and the broken...and he made me look upon my life with shame...how i spend my money, how i focus on stuff that doesnt matter in the long run, how i walk on past hurting people without looking back. So it was weird walking out on the first night not feeling really good. But it was amazing, and i will never forget it. He taught me so much about everything. I really feel that SM this year was a real turning point for me in my spiritual growth...and yeah, that may be a somewhat cliched thing to say, but like, its just so true. And in one of the previous posts i had commented on how i find it impossible to hear the voice of God...well i heard it in the most clear way ive ever heard it before on one of the nights. God gave me words that i believe werent just for the person i was praying for, but were for me too. So much happened at SM, so much its unreal.

At Castlewellan Holiday Bible Week i learned what it meant to cry out to God...not by what people taught or from the worship or anything like that...it was just me and God...no one else. Just started praying in the middle of worship for ireland, for the lost, for the druggies, for the homeless, for the alcoholics, for the people who surrounded me worshipping in the room. I got the feeling that i had to pray for them to get convicted...so i did...and tbh, i dont know if it had an effect on anyone, i didnt open my eyes to look, but that prayer was one of the most passionate prayers i have ever prayed. And i knew God was listening...i always get this image of God when i pray...i imagine him sitting on this throne with this notepad in his hand...and he writes down my prayers...and when he is writing them down and perhaps forgets what comes next, the angels tell him and he laughs at himself and continues writing...it makes me smile to think of God laughing...i cant wait to go up there and laugh with him!

The TOM team left Richhill...Eliz, Ruth, Ben + Timmy. They were just so great there. They moved in that place like i dont know what...and they taught me heaps and they listened to me and gave advice and laughed and just loved. All of what i want to say just sounds so cheesy lol...they are such Christ-like people...and i love them!

Pete Ferg left the methodist circuit to train for ministry in the dark side (only joking : P)...that guy taught me more than he will ever know! He is the one responsible for bringing me back to God and for setting my heart on fire for Him. God is gonna work amazingly through pete, and his kid rebekah doesnt have a clue how lucky she is to have a dad like him!

aw flip, im getting all soppy lol. see, told you it was cheesy!

sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads this...if they dont i dont really mind cause i enjoy typing up my thoughts...its very theraputic or something lol.

I wont leave it for ages before i make another post...promise ; )

random (?)

2007-06-25T19:07:00.000+01:00

Okay...lots and lots of thoughts on my mind today...most of which I won't share on this thing for fear of being beaten lol.

I don't quite know where to start lol. Right, I'll begin with non-God stuff.

1) Knowledge. I have this huge desire to be really smart. I want to write stuff and be able to read it and think wow...did I really compose such a piece of work? I want to be able to think way way way outside the box..like a philosopher would. Okay, this all sounds so gay but its what I'm thinking! lol

2) Music. This one really frustrates me. I want more musical skill! More and more and more and more until I can't hold still anymore..until all I can do is write worship songs and praise my Jesus all day. I want to be able to sing so bad. A good voice. Now that would be nice ; )

3) Intimacy. This all seems kinda impossible to me lol. This relationship with God. A friend was talking to me the other day about God talking to people. They said they had never really experienced that before. There I was, nodding away looking like I had all the answers (pride...not good!) when, in reality, being totally honest with myself, it hasn't really happened me either. I really admire people who can sit and pray for longer than 1/2 an hour without something else popping into their head and getting bored and stopping. They are the people who are closest to God. And I guess if i want total intimacy with JC then I'm gonna have to learn patience and self-control and to control my short attention span lol.

4) Summer Madness. I'm praying it doesn't rain. Seriously. But if it does, I'm not gonna let it ruin my time there. All my friends go on about how the rain is so incredibly cool and stuff and how we should thank God for it. I should be grateful for it but I'm not. In fact, I loathe the stuff. Really hate it. I hate the way your clothes get damp, the way your hair goes curly, the way your jeans get all wet at the bottom and when you take your shoes off your socks get soggy. So this is a big thing for me lol. Okay, you're laughing. But in all seriousness. This is massive for me.

That'll do for now methinks.

my place :)

2007-06-09T00:00:00.000+01:00

This is my wee place :)

Beautiful eh?

craigavon

2007-05-30T16:56:00.000+01:00

yano what? its taken about 10 years but im starting to like craigavon..i like the way the cycle path is right beside my house, i like the great shopping centre (one of the best in NI i reckon), i like my little spot at craigavon lakes where i can just sit in the sun and read, i like my house, i like my garden, i love kernan pitches cause i can take beth there and throw a frisbee for miles or fly a kite or kick a ball with her..its just so cool! i know this is random but i only realised today..

ive really taken to cycling by myself recently. its a great way to get exercise and to just have some time out with The Big Man. ive been cycling every day for the past few days now and i really wanted to go to the lakes but i had forgotton how to get there and didnt want to look like an absolute tube cycling backwards and forwards trying to find them lol. so, this morning, i went online and got myself a wee map of the craigavon cycle trail (http://www.cycleni.com/common/product/documents/Craigavon%20Cycle%20Trail%20map%20side.pdf) and i found how to get there! so, i grabbed my bag, washed some fruit, got a bottle of tesco mountain spring water from the fridge, stuck in my right earphone and set off on my big adventure.

im really unfit :S and part of the reason for the cycling everyday is to get fit for the summer..so as you can imagine i was puffing about 5 minutes in lol. my knees were aching and my muscles were sore..but being the determined person i am, i continued. so i got to the lakes and theres this really big grassy hill and i was gonna go there to eat my fruit and read for a bit but i decided to see what else i could find. cycled on for a bit more..past a housing estate, past powerwalkers, past joggers, past dogs running around and then i saw this bench..and in front of it you could see this great view. the unspoiled natural habitat for so many animals..this beautiful lake. there was long grassy stuff in the middle and the water was so calm. the bench was just about two yards away from the waters edge. beautiful. it was so calm and tranquil. i was in awe of Gods creation! and then i thought, wow..men made these lakes. ok you are probably gonna think im contradicting myself if you dont know anything about craigavon. ok, basically, years and years ago, actual humans made those lakes. they dug out the ground and filled the holes with water and stuff and now...years on...that place is thriving! theres so much wildlife and its so beautiful. i love it there.

sorry, its just all this stuff popped into my head and i want to show everyone how cool my place is! ill take a picture of it and post it on this thing.

wow

2007-03-08T00:42:00.000Z

like wow....im so in awe of God...

Look how amazing He is! His glory fills the sky! His praises fill the earth....

I love my Jesus....I love my Dad...

Holy Spirit come and fill us up so high that we totally overflow...let us be guided by You....let us lay everything down as a sacrifice for you...

Lord infect us with your presence.....

Let the hairs constantly stand up on our necks because we know you are near!

Shake us with your awesome power....use us for miracles, use us as your witnesses...

"My gracious Master and my God,
assist me to proclaim,
to spread through all the earth abroad,
the honours of Thy name"

Send your mighty angels down...let them surround us so satan cant get near...
Give us your armour as preparation for the fight...
Completely marinade us in Jesus' blood...
Help us pray so the DARKNESS WILL TREMBLE

Lord let nothing hold us back from you..

remove everything that will get in the way of me being with you 24/7

keep my flame lit....keep pouring the petrol on God...

I LOVE YOU!

Amen.......(let it be.)

satan loves bebo

2007-03-07T00:32:00.000Z

Ok so im really really missing bebo....its so weird cause i keep trying to find a substitute for it...like myspace....i set up a myspace account in the summer and i hated it...well i went on again a few days ago and i tried to like it...but it just didnt work :( ...i dunno about you but i keep getting these emails saying "Bob has tagged you :)" .....yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever...but the other day i actually clicked on it and set up a Tagged account....as with myspace, i tried to like it but bleh...it didnt work for me....

its just so sad what we all waste our time on....like msn...ok its good for the occasional chat but sometimes i stay on for hours just watching people come online and go offline (sad i know)....it has, i believe, ruined my ability to hold down a decent conversation with people face to face. I say things on msn i couldnt say in real life simply because it feels more comfortable. But yeah, i was having a convo with someone a week ago or something and they asked me why i was doing the whole going off bebo for lent thing, so i told them it was like a sacrifice for Jesus...it would allow me to spend more time reading the bible and praying...then they said...."well i dont see you reading your bible now!" got me thinking....what would life be like without modern technology....without computers and ipods and mobiles and tv and stuff....i reckon we would all be so much happier....especially spiritually. How much time would we spend with God?! It would be so unreal! How much stronger would our faith be? How many more healings would we witness? How many more visions would be seen? How many more lives would be transformed? Its kind of like technology is satans very sly and subtle way of bringing us away from God....yes, so we may be listening to Christian music on our ipods or looking at a christian bebo page or even watching the God channel....but do those things really bring us closer to God? The only way to get close to God is to spend time with Him. If we watch a home video with our parents in it, are we in any way strengthening our relationship with them? Yes, so we may be learning things, but are we talking to them and getting to know them better?

I know I get caught up with Christian stuff...theres no denying that the faith mission bookshop is my favourite shop in the whole world (especially the big ones in belfast and that cool one in lisburn ;-) ) but should we not focus on worshipping God and praying to Him and just allowing Him to take pole position in our lives? Thats such a hard thing to do....its so hard to give everything over to God...sometimes we want to so badly and we actually sing songs like "im giving you my heart and all that is within i lay it all down, for the sake of you my king...im giving you my dreams im laying down my rights, im giving up my pride for the promise of new life...and i surrender all to you, all to you..." we so want to surrender all but we just arent ready yet...ive told God to take it all in my life...but there are still some things that im grabbing onto with both hands...i really need to let them go...I love God so much....I dont know what i would do without him in my life but seriously...now i find it hard to sing that song in particular because i know that im really not surrendering it all...just the things i want to give to God like problems i dont want to sort out and stressful stuff at school....im not giving Him the good things, the things i like....like relationships and hobbies....i guess im scared of God being in control....what if he takes away people from me? What if i cant control my relationships with people because He is in control? I need to give Him everything....im working on it....its so hard. We sing songs and pray prayers without even thinking about the meaning, when, in fact, they are downright scary and so tough.

I hope I can give my all to You soon, God...I want to be able to hand everything over to You....give me strength and courage and wisdom to do it. Let me know for sure when i'm ready, Lord. Thankyou so much for saving me...You are so awesome! Love You...Amen xo

influential love <3

2007-03-06T22:43:00.000Z

ok so do you ever meet someone who is really amazing? Do you ever come across people who are so kind hearted and loving that you can just see Jesus in their eyes when they look at you? I have a few people like that in my life...it blows my mind...i was thinking about it today cause...well you look at these peoples lives and yeah, they have made some mistakes in the past, but they have allowed God to totally transform their lives into something new and fresh and real....right now, these people are having a humongus (<<-- sp?) impact on my life...they make me think twice about giving in to temptation or about telling a little fib or about gossiping...like, we have Jesus' example to help us with that too...but sometimes its cool to look at other peoples lives...like it makes you want to live for Jesus....they make you passionate about the God-stuff...they make you hungry for knowledge and hungry for hunger itself and basically hungry for God...i am so blessed to have these people around me in my life! What would i do without them?! Anyways, they know who they are and i just love them for helping me without even knowing it...

Live your life as if Jesus is standing right beside you all the time...in church, in school in town wherever...what would he say about the things you say or even think? Its hard to control our actions never mind our thoughts! I dunno about you but right now it seems to me as if none of my life mirrors anything of what Jesus was. He never did anything bad...he never even had any bad thoughts about anything...i really want to be like Jesus. I really want to have love...i really want to be love...right now that all seems pretty impossible....i really am gonna have to pray seriously about this...i mean, we cant do this without God on our side. He doesnt set out to be like the kid in the playground who watches your every move and tells the teacher when you make one tiny slip...hes there to walk with you and help you every step of the way. When you fall, he picks you up...when you graze your knee on the ground and its so sore and stingy that you cant walk, He lifts you up and carries you until you can walk on your own....its amazing how much he loves us...its also amazing how much we dont deserve that love...how much we take it for granted...how much we forget about it...like i know this seems weird...but God, the one who created everything in existence (think of the complexity of everything...every cell, every atom) chooses to love us....look how small we are compared to the vastness of the universe!! It flippin blows my mind....really does.....dont neglect God's love <3

floating

2007-01-22T21:10:00.000Z

Haha im really not supposed to be on this...i have to finish my coursework! But something really strange happened tonight...ok well band practice was on tonight and we played a couple songs then we went out into the minor hall to have a prayer time. In situations where people can pray out loud if they like, i always feel somewhat awkward...you rarely hear me pray out loud in times like that...in fact, with most prayer times like that one, my mind wouldnt focus on God or even praying...it would wander onto different things like school or friends...id just sit there and think and let my imagination go...but tonight...it was weird....i listened to prayers...i prayed my own prayers in my head...i prayed for friends...I prayed about my faith...i prayed for loadsa things...then my prayer just kinda blurted out...i didnt even think about what i was gonna say or anything. It just came out. If i do pray out loud i search for words that will make the prayer make sense to other people. But tonight...everything made sense...and it required no thought whatsoever. I was sitting there with my eyes shut after the prayer and this amazing sense of calm and peace and awe and joy and thankfulness and mercy and grace just washed over me...at one point i saw a bright white light and it felt like i was floating...for some reason i felt like i was really small...i dont mean that in a metaphorical way, i mean literally, i felt like i was in a 2 year olds body...just floating...it was the weirdest thing ever but it just felt so right...I dunno....but in those few moments, I was overcome by the presence of God...I saw everything I should be thankful for...I saw everything i want from my faith...I saw everything God can give me...I saw the way God can shine through me...I saw how i can change and make the change lasting and permanent. I want God to give me more!! I want more from Him! I want to feel His presence around me 24/7...not just when im at some worship event or something...I want to change. That change is happening...slowly but surely...im getting there but its only by Gods grace and mercy and His awesome strength that I can do this. He is totally blowing my mind with amazing thoughts and I can feel Him building me up everyday...But there are two thoughts stuck in my head that I really needa get down here or ill explode...I believe they are things that God wants me to focus on this year...

Changing. Changing the little things about our lives...bad habits eg. gossiping, thinking bad thought about others ("ugh...look at her hair...its really gross...why would anyone want to dye their hair that colour?"), purposely annoying siblings just to see them suffer, white lies (the "fibs" that don't really matter), moaning about doing chores around the house, watching pointless TV when we could be reading Gods word and letting it be absorbed into our very souls...
Every day matters. We have to realise that every day we live on this planet counts for something. Each hour, each minute, each second is a precious gift from God which could be snatched from us at any time. We should choose to live each moment for God...no let me rephrase that... we should choose to live each moment by allowing God to live through us. Live by the WWJD slogan...in everything you do, every decision you have to make...ask yourself "what would Jesus do?"...a part of realising that every day matters is not to focus on the things of this world....but to "fix our eyes on what is unseen"...Nothing in this world is of any value. By focusing on what is unseen, we truly get the point of realising what is really significant in our lives...Jesus.

Please...if you know someone who has this book or if you have money to buy this book...go buy it...its called Rachels Tears...in any good Faith Mission bookshop...I have read this book about 50 gazillion times...but every time i read it again...i learn something fresh and new that can be applied to my life. If you cant get hold of one or buy one...please ask me and i will be glad to lend you mine (or if im in a good mood, buy you one! lol...please dont take advantage of me through this offer though...). It really is fantastic....essential reading for anyone who wants to become deadly serious about their faith.

Flip sake...there is a revolution on the way...there is dreaming...there is praying...there is hoping...there is loving...we are the revolutionaries! Lets start revolutionising the WORLD!!

Do your thang!

2007-01-19T11:42:00.000Z

This video always makes me happy :-D watch it and feel the beat! lol...dont be afraid to dance :-P

Stuff

2007-01-19T11:19:00.000Z

Well, Im back at school...have been for 2 weeks now! Tbh, i kinda forgot i owned a blog...hopefully i wont forget in the future!

Getting close to God is harder than it seems...im really struggling with the whole personal study aspect of it. There are so many distractions and I just get distracted lol. Especially when im thinking about things that are in the past...I had it all planned out...I was gonna read a chapter every other night without the use of a devotional book and then with the nights in between, i was gonna use a devotional book called God 360 for study to make things a bit more understandable. The first few nights of reading i learnt so much stuff and it just stuck...but now time has just vanished! And the other things like stopping all the little bad habits...thats even harder.

I cant do this without God. I wrote this poem-ish kinda thing the other night...its not that relevant but yeh...here it is. (bear in mind im not the greatest of poets!)

I'm watching you...
not from afar...
I'm quite close.
Within touching distance.

You dont notice.

You stare straight through me like I'm a sheet of glass.

I'm talking to you...
No, I'm shouting.
Through cupped hands
right at your ear.

You don't notice.

You stand there
as if you have industrial earplugs in.

Do you know I'm here?

You can't see me
You can't hear me...
I tried telling you
but you didn't listen.

You see, I love you.
I've always loved you...
You just don't know it.

I tried telling you
but now, it's too late.
You have gone.
Out of reach
Beyond touching.

Why didn't you hear me the first time?

I'm shouting for you to come back.

I'm yelling my lungs out.

"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"

Whats the point?
You just keep walking away.
I should just give up.
This is way too hard...
but i can't.

I love you.

I want to be able to write about God on this...to write things that make sense...to talk about complicated things and make then seem not so complicated. I want to understand things in the bible and things that go wrong in the world...but im not there yet. I dont think anyone will ever get there. Some things only God knows about. But im waiting for Him so that He can reveal things to me...even little things...that make sense.

I dont think this post makes sense...

new beginnings

2007-01-07T14:47:00.001Z

Deary me oh! I finally have a blog....as well as bebo and myspace and msn...talk about distractions in today society or what?!

Actually, I wanted to get this because theres so much i wana get off my chest and i think that if people read some stuff i have to say (i know this sounds bigheaded...) well it might strike a chord with them or something...no one reads anything on bebo and tbh im never on myspace so this seemed like the best option ;)

Right...where do i start...
Well firstly, lately ive been striving for change. Ive been stuck in the same place in my faith for a while now...i just set God on the shelf and became a "cruise control christian"...just kinda going along at the same speed...not really accelerating but not really deccelerating either. But so much has happened in the past few weeks...I decided to take this walk seriously. I realised that to grow more and to get more from my faith i have to seek God. Put Him numero uno in my life. When you put God 1st and focus only on Him everything else fits into place. So im doing it....like its not easy...theres sacrifices to be made and i have to change the small things about my life that arent pleasing God. But sometimes the smallest things are the hardest things to get rid of. I made a list of loads of things that werent right and prayed over it....and i gave it to megi and she prayed over it too....and ive been praying a lot more and reading the bible...its so cool cause when you ask God to reveal stuff to you when reading His word, some stuff just jumps right off the page and hits you smack in the face...and often its simple things...like in Genesis where it says "God made man in His own image...and He looked down and saw it was good". Like flip me...we are patterned in Gods image...the guy who created the whole earth, the whole universe...and he looks down on us and thinks we are beautiful...we arent even worthy to be his slaves or his servants....yet he calls us his children!?! Thats pretty immense...But yeah...Jesus is becoming number one...I want to make him all that matters in my life...

ok i think ill post the next issue in a different post cause this one is getting quite long....

anyhu keep relying on JC for EVERYTHING! He will get you through!

xOx