things are very confusing atm, especially where God is concerned. alot of christians make the God thing look really easy, but it really isnt easy at all. its so hard to just listen to Him and to do what He wants instead of what you want. the things that He wants you to do are harder, yet they will be better in the long term. but because we cant see the bigger picture, its so hard for us to do what He wants.
anyways, i was at lurgan elim last night (it was very good btw, you should go there someday) and the wee pastor dude was talking about plans. ive heard the plans talk before, but it was just good to have it refreshed. ive just got my AS results, and recently ive been thinking so much about the future - trying to plan out my life for the next few years - what uni i'll go to, what course i'll do, what jobs i can get with those qualifications, where i'll live, who i'll be with...my mind has just been overloaded with plans these days. sometimes, when things dont go my way i get scared, cause then its possible that my plans just wont work out. but who am i to plan my life? is it even my life to plan? i belong to God - i am property of Jesus Christ. So why am i making myself boss over my entire life? i dont know whats coming, i dont know if ill still be on this planet in the next 10 minutes. i dont know if i'll be here tomorrow, i dont know if i'll be here in 5 or 10 years time. so why am i wasting my time making plans? perhaps the time i spend making plans is time wasted. what if God is sitting on His throne yelling at me to just stop and live for today instead of for the future? today, the present, it's totally filled to the brim with opportunities! why am i wasting opportunities by making a 10 year life plan when i could be living in the now, soaking up everything that God has for me this very second? yeah, i have lots of dreams. i love dreaming big! but as for this whole plans thing, im just gonna take life as it comes. Jesus knows whats coming and i dont, so maybe its just better allowing him to be in control of me.
