Hahaim really not supposed to be on this...i have to finish my coursework! But something really strange happened tonight...ok well band practice was on tonight and we played a couple songs then we went out into the minor hall to have a prayer time. In situations where people can pray out loud if they like, i always feel somewhat awkward...you rarely hear me pray out loud in times like that...in fact, with most prayer times like that one, my mind wouldnt focus on God or even praying...it would wander onto different things like school or friends...id just sit there and think and let my imagination go...but tonight...it was weird....i listened to prayers...i prayed my own prayers in my head...i prayed for friends...I prayed about my faith...i prayed for loadsa things...then my prayer just kinda blurted out...i didnt even think about what i was gonna say or anything. It just came out. If i do pray out loud i search for words that will make the prayer make sense to other people. But tonight...everything made sense...and it required no thought whatsoever. I was sitting there with my eyes shut after the prayer and this amazing sense of calm and peace and awe and joy and thankfulness and mercy and grace just washed over me...at one point i saw a bright white light and it felt like i was floating...for some reason i felt like i was really small...i dont mean that in a metaphorical way, i mean literally, i felt like i was in a 2 year olds body...just floating...it was the weirdest thing ever but it just felt so right...I dunno....but in those few moments, I was overcome by the presence of God...I saw everything I should be thankful for...I saw everything i want from my faith...I saw everything God can give me...I saw the way God can shine through me...I saw how i can change and make the change lasting and permanent. I want God to give me more!! I want more from Him! I want to feel His presence around me 24/7...not just when im at some worship event or something...I want to change. That change is happening...slowly but surely...im getting there but its only by Gods grace and mercy and His awesome strength that I can do this. He is totally blowing my mind with amazing thoughts and I can feel Him building me up everyday...But there are two thoughts stuck in my head that I really needa get down here or ill explode...I believe they are things that God wants me to focus on this year...
Changing. Changing the little things about our lives...bad habits eg. gossiping, thinking bad thought about others ("ugh...look at her hair...its really gross...why would anyone want to dye their hair that colour?"), purposely annoying siblings just to see them suffer, white lies (the "fibs" that don't really matter), moaning about doing chores around the house, watching pointless TV when we could be reading Gods word and letting it be absorbed into our very souls...
Every day matters. We have to realise that every day we live on this planet counts for something. Each hour, each minute, each second is a precious gift from God which could be snatched from us at any time. We should choose to live each moment for God...no let me rephrase that... we should choose to live each moment by allowing God to live through us. Live by the WWJD slogan...in everything you do, every decision you have to make...ask yourself "what would Jesus do?"...a part of realising that every day matters is not to focus on the things of this world....but to "fix our eyes on what is unseen"...Nothing in this world is of any value. By focusing on what is unseen, we truly get the point of realising what is really significant in our lives...Jesus.
Please...if you know someone who has this book or if you have money to buy this book...go buy it...its called Rachels Tears...in any good Faith Mission bookshop...I have read this book about 50 gazillion times...but every time i read it again...i learn something fresh and new that can be applied to my life. If you cant get hold of one or buy one...please ask me and i will be glad to lend you mine (or if im in a good mood, buy you one! lol...please dont take advantage of me through this offer though...). It really is fantastic....essential reading for anyone who wants to become deadly serious about their faith. Flip sake...there is a revolution on the way...there is dreaming...there is praying...there is hoping...there is loving...we are the revolutionaries! Lets start revolutionising the WORLD!!
Well, Im back at school...have been for 2 weeks now! Tbh, i kinda forgot i owned a blog...hopefully i wont forget in the future!
Getting close to God is harder than it seems...im really struggling with the whole personal study aspect of it. There are so many distractions and I just get distracted lol. Especially when im thinking about things that are in the past...I had it all planned out...I was gonna read a chapter every other night without the use of a devotional book and then with the nights in between, i was gonna use a devotional book called God 360 for study to make things a bit more understandable. The first few nights of reading i learnt so much stuff and it just stuck...but now time has just vanished! And the other things like stopping all the little bad habits...thats even harder.
I cant do this without God. I wrote this poem-ish kinda thing the other night...its not that relevant but yeh...here it is. (bear in mind im not the greatest of poets!)
I'm watching you... not from afar... I'm quite close. Within touching distance. You dont notice.
You stare straight through me like I'm a sheet of glass. I'm talking to you... No, I'm shouting. Through cupped hands right at your ear. You don't notice. You stand there as if you have industrial earplugs in. Do you know I'm here? You can't see me You can't hear me... I tried telling you but you didn't listen. You see, I love you. I've always loved you... You just don't know it. I tried telling you but now, it's too late. You have gone. Out of reach Beyond touching. Why didn't you hear me the first time? I'm shouting for you to come back. I'm yelling my lungs out. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" Whats the point? You just keep walking away. I should just give up. This is way too hard... but i can't. I love you. I want to be able to write about God on this...to write things that make sense...to talk about complicated things and make then seem not so complicated. I want to understand things in the bible and things that go wrong in the world...but im not there yet. I dont think anyone will ever get there. Some things only God knows about. But im waiting for Him so that He can reveal things to me...even little things...that make sense.
Deary me oh! I finally have a blog....as well as bebo and myspace and msn...talk about distractions in today society or what?!
Actually, I wanted to get this because theres so much i wana get off my chest and i think that if people read some stuff i have to say (i know this sounds bigheaded...) well it might strike a chord with them or something...no one reads anything on bebo and tbh im never on myspace so this seemed like the best option ;)
Right...where do i start... Well firstly, lately ive been striving for change. Ive been stuck in the same place in my faith for a while now...i just set God on the shelf and became a "cruise control christian"...just kinda going along at the same speed...not really accelerating but not really deccelerating either. But so much has happened in the past few weeks...I decided to take this walk seriously. I realised that to grow more and to get more from my faith i have to seek God. Put Him numero uno in my life. When you put God 1st and focus only on Him everything else fits into place. So im doing it....like its not easy...theres sacrifices to be made and i have to change the small things about my life that arent pleasing God. But sometimes the smallest things are the hardest things to get rid of. I made a list of loads of things that werent right and prayed over it....and i gave it to megi and she prayed over it too....and ive been praying a lot more and reading the bible...its so cool cause when you ask God to reveal stuff to you when reading His word, some stuff just jumps right off the page and hits you smack in the face...and often its simple things...like in Genesis where it says "God made man in His own image...and He looked down and saw it was good". Like flip me...we are patterned in Gods image...the guy who created the whole earth, the whole universe...and he looks down on us and thinks we are beautiful...we arent even worthy to be his slaves or his servants....yet he calls us his children!?! Thats pretty immense...But yeah...Jesus is becoming number one...I want to make him all that matters in my life...
ok i think ill post the next issue in a different post cause this one is getting quite long....
anywayss keep relying on JC for EVERYTHING! He will get you through!
