yikes!

for those of you who have known me for years, the next few things i'm about to come out with may seem a bit unlike me..

i am a worrier.

i guess this is what the transition to adulthood does to you. in all seriousness though, never have i had so much to worry about in all my life. i suddenly have this crazy-ass schedule with an equally crazy-assed amount of work, money worries, what happens after my degree worries, emma's wee problems worries.. and the mad thing is..i'm not even worrying about the moment i'm in right now.. i'm worried about what is going to come. what hasn't yet come. the 'f' word...ohhh dare i say it?!

the future.

yep. it's true. miss so-laid-back-she's-horizontal has now become vertical. and do i like being vertical? not one single bit. of course, with adulthood comes responsibility - but should we worry about it? is worrying even biblical?

we all worry. it just seems to be something that is present within the DNA of mankind. and it sucks, because it can pull us into a big black hole. worry is one of those things that's easy to get into, but so flippin' hard to escape from.. and it's so strange. i'm worrying about things that haven't even come yet, things that are years away and things that may never even happen. it sounds so stupid, doesn't it? worrying about things that might never happen. i just made myself laugh there!

yes, it's ridiculous. but laughing it off won't get us anywhere. how do we really truly escape from worry? at the most fundamental level, i believe it's about trusting God. not just saying "i've got to let go and let God" (spot the christian cliche!) but believing it, knowing it - not just in my head, but in my heart. it's so so much harder than that, i know. but have a think about this - are we limiting God's power with our worrying? by worrying about something, i'm holding onto the situation, i'm trying to exercise control over the situation. yeah, i might pray and ask God to help me - but i know that deep down inside, i'm saying "well you can just give me a shove in the right direction God and i'll take care of the rest." can i really do it in my own strength? nope. no flippin' way. i need someone greater than myself to take control. me taking control isn't good. i need the mercy and grace of God to come wash me clean of my sin every day. can a feeble, messed up sinner really know what is best in a situation?

i'm not going to say any more. i'm not going to tell you what you should do or whatever. i think you know what is best. it's now up to you to go and make those heart-changes. it's tough and it requires a lot of strength (especially if you're a bit of a self-confessed control freak) but you'll have freedom!! praise God that freedom such as this is freely available for us :) praise God that He is bigger than anything we've ever imagined - yet He is interested in us and is WILLING to take care of us - no matter how small the problem may be :)