Stuff

Well, Im back at school...have been for 2 weeks now! Tbh, i kinda forgot i owned a blog...hopefully i wont forget in the future!

Getting close to God is harder than it seems...im really struggling with the whole personal study aspect of it. There are so many distractions and I just get distracted lol. Especially when im thinking about things that are in the past...I had it all planned out...I was gonna read a chapter every other night without the use of a devotional book and then with the nights in between, i was gonna use a devotional book called God 360 for study to make things a bit more understandable. The first few nights of reading i learnt so much stuff and it just stuck...but now time has just vanished! And the other things like stopping all the little bad habits...thats even harder.

I cant do this without God. I wrote this poem-ish kinda thing the other night...its not that relevant but yeh...here it is. (bear in mind im not the greatest of poets!)

I'm watching you...
not from afar...
I'm quite close.
Within touching distance.

You dont notice.

You stare straight through me like I'm a sheet of glass.

I'm talking to you...
No, I'm shouting.
Through cupped hands
right at your ear.

You don't notice.

You stand there
as if you have industrial earplugs in.

Do you know I'm here?

You can't see me
You can't hear me...
I tried telling you
but you didn't listen.

You see, I love you.
I've always loved you...
You just don't know it.

I tried telling you
but now, it's too late.
You have gone.
Out of reach
Beyond touching.

Why didn't you hear me the first time?

I'm shouting for you to come back.

I'm yelling my lungs out.

"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"

Whats the point?
You just keep walking away.
I should just give up.
This is way too hard...
but i can't.

I love you.

I want to be able to write about God on this...to write things that make sense...to talk about complicated things and make then seem not so complicated. I want to understand things in the bible and things that go wrong in the world...but im not there yet. I dont think anyone will ever get there. Some things only God knows about. But im waiting for Him so that He can reveal things to me...even little things...that make sense.

I dont think this post makes sense...